i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
