Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
