i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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