Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
