I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
