Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
