why didn't you poke me back
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
