Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
did i just pee glitter
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
