now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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