I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
