when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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