did you get engaged???
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
