They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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