the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
