I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We don't watch enough power rangers
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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