Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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