I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
