I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
