he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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