Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.

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(301): View more from Maryland

All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.

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(619): View more from California

Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

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(313): View more from Michigan

The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car

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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy

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(925): View more from California

After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.

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(714): View more from California

How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.

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