I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
