Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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