Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
