once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
