im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Let's paint friendship bongs
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
