I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
