I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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