she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
