Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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