Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
