This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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