i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
