ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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