My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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