Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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