mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
