I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
bring money and cleavage
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
