Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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