i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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