I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Randomize
