Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
