Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
