lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
