its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
