I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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