I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
