alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
