Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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