Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
