So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
