Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
