i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
