I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
