I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
