i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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