New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
