I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize