I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we made out on top of his cat.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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